do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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