I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
