I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
