I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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