You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
