I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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