By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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