He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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