I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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