it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
