Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we made out on top of his cat.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize