Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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