you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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