How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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