I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
