even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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