I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
not ubering you a puppy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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