I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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