I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
