Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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