Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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