I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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