Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
