party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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