We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
