I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
