Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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