hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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