i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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