bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So here I am, sexting at work.
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