I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
