Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
