i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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