Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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