he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize