After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize