woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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