My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i think i just lost a toe
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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