The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
