Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
