i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
