Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
