remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize