I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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