She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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