can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
