You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
