Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
