thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
