Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
