We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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