Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
