...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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