Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
