turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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