I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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