literally had 100 drinks last night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
