according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
