Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
