i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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