i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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