"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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