none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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