About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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